Why a Unity Ceremony?
Recently I met with a couple who could not understand the purpose of a unity ceremony. I do get where they were coming from. After all, the marriage, itself, is a unity ceremony. Why do they another ceremony within the ceremony?
And, to their point, every “special ceremony” isn’t actually a Unity ceremony. Many of these added celebrations are blessings or blendings.
For example, the blessing of the hands and the ring warming are blessings.
But others, like the hand fasting, the sand ceremony, the time capsule, and others symbolize bringing the couple together as one. Maybe this happens through tying the knot, pouring into a vessel, lighting a single candle or putting letters in a box. We even created a “passport” ceremony for a couple who love to travel! They commissioned a stamp for it with their new name.
The reason for unity and blessings in the wedding is for the couple to give the ceremony their unique, creative flavor. These small additions are personal and adaptable for each couple and family. A sand ceremony may become a “rock” ceremony symbolizing strength of the family. A handfasting may become a tartan exchange. A couple may design their time capsule to look like an actual space capsule. The couple may request a Buddhist blessing for the water ceremony with their baby.
Here are a few of my couples’ and families’ favorite unity ceremonies from years past.
Hand fasting
Hand fasting is an ancient Celtic tradition dating back thousands of years, according to some sources. Couples “tied the knot” for a trial period rather than committing to a long-term marriage although they often stayed together for many years.
Many of my couples with a Scottish or Celtic family tradition have chosen this unity ceremony along with full tradition of tartans and bagpipes. The hand fasting is also a beautiful symbolism of nature and the earth.
The couple holds right and left hands crossed forming the symbol for infinity, and the officiant wraps the handfasting cord around their wrists, blessing the couple with good wishes and love.
Since the hand fasting focuses on the hands, couples may decide to hold this ceremony after the ring exchange or before the blessing of the hands.
Recently a bride sent this wording for her ceremony:
"I promise to be your grounding strength, like the earth beneath us. I vow to bring joy, like the gentle breeze that lifts your spirit. I will be your warmth, like the fire that keeps us safe, and I promise to flow with you, like water, through all the changes of our lives. With these cords, I bind myself to you, in love and respect, in all seasons.”
Here, this couple in full Scottish regalia held their hand fasting as the unity ceremony - the focus of their wedding.
Blessing of the Hands
The blessing of the hands may be held any time during a wedding. It can be offered as a “prayer” as the assembly witnesses the beginning of the marriage ceremony or at the end as the couple is pronounced married.
Not traditionally a unity ceremony, it suits non-religious, religious or spiritual weddings because it honors the path of the couple’s life from building a family, whether of two or more, to growing old together.
The blessing:
Aiden and Arwen, please focus your attention on your beloved’s hands and see the blessing that they are to you.
These are the hands of your best friend, strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever.
These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future.
These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other.
These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and tears of joy.
These are the hands that will help you to hold your family as one. These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it. And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.
Blessing of the Hands
Baby Blessing Water Unity
Several years ago, a couple with a baby wanted to create a ceremony with a Buddhist flavor and include their baby in the ceremony. We needed to create a simple unity ceremony since babies have little attention span and unpredictable moods (e.g. kicking the water container across the floor).
A number of small families have now found the water ceremony meaningful for their day using the red ribbon, the Chinese color of joy (and weddings) then pouring water, the symbol of the human spirit, over their hands. The ribbon is a keepsake of the day and a remembrance of the ever-renewing quality of their lives together.
Blessing of the family with water and the red ribbon
The Ringwarming Ceremony
The ring-warming ceremony allows guests - family, friends, and wedding party - to be part of the wedding. Rings are passed through the guests before the wedding so each person can hold them for a moment to send their well-wishes and love to the couple. The feeling of love that pours down the aisles is unmistakable, and guests feel as though they’ve been more than by-standers. They’ve made the commitment to bless the couple in their marriage…
The officiant says: “When the rings reach us at the front of the ceremony, your love and pledge of support will infuse them with the precious blessings of your support and love for them throughout their marriage.”
Passing the rings among the guests for their good wishes and blessings gives extra love on your special day
These are just four examples of ways to give your marriage additional flavor. Ask me for more ideas at Radiant Gatherings!! We can create your very own!!